Ali’s birthday

Robin Happy Birthday! I would sing the song at you but I know that you find it to be uncouthe and violently oppressive. So I will hum it as I say hello instead. [[What fresh hell this this?->90 day]] [[Aw, tits. Here we go again.->90 day]]

Robin We made you a website! And we also managed to get your favorite people to wish you a happy birthday surprise: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a cameo from Danielle and Mohamed from 90 Day Fiancé! [[I am so excited, yes please.->Baby yoda]] [[Fuck right off.->Baby yoda]]

Baby Yoda See how that feels, youngling? That’s what it’s like to threaten someone with a mariachi band. Not that fun, ehhhh? But isn’t this what birthdays are all about? Teaching you lessons on the value of friendship by embarrassing you horribly in front of the people who love you the most? [[Sure?->First guest]] [[I refuse to argue with you, sir.->First guest]] [[Eat my shorts, unnamed alien baby.->First guest]]

Jeff Goldblum Ohhhh, we have a star-uhhhh-studded cast this evening and not just yours truly. It’s going to be truly ~hand movements~ great. Thank you so much for being here and joining us and for, well, for being you. You know who’s in the audience this evening? Big name, big name, you’ll never forget it. But...wait, I did forget. [[What is happening?->Robin]] [[Holy shit, is Nathan Lane going to be next?->Robin]]

Elissa I didn’t realize friendship could be built on food and tv references. [[Thank god for Chobani->angels]] [[I will regret answering that question for the rest of my life.->angels]]

Robin Okay, so I want to introduce our first guest for real this evening. [[Something tells me that it’s Jeff Goldblum->Joking aside]] [[Wait is it actually my husband, Jeff?->Joking aside]]

Elissabut I will be high-fiving a million angels that you were born [[blamo->happy]] [[hey dummy->happy]]

Elissa happy birthday Ali B. You are a resplendent songbird in the tree of life and I love you very much! [[please make this stop->started]]

Elissa It’s just getting started... [[...]]

Dana hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you hello good morning I love you … … are one of a kind, never repeatable, always special, made of stars and glitter. you deserve everything good and great in this world. never doubt that. happy birthday <3 [[You are all idiots.->idiots]]

Jez HEAR YE, HEAR YE: [[Oh boy.->jb]]

Jez So, I was going to make a decorative bread plait to represent some of our favourite memories, but my oven is too small. Instead I have written you some jokes. [[Cute!->cute]] [[Exciting!->cute]] (text-colour: 'grey')[[No thank you->cute]]

Jez I knew you’d be happy! Here’s the first one. Ahem. [[Did you just clear your voice in text?->shut up]]

JezShut up. So it's a rural drama about animal husbandry. Colin Farrell stars as a down-and-out veterinarian who always wakes up too late. He has to find the most muscular cow in the tri-state area to artificially inseminate before time runs out. It's called The Burly Herd Gets the Sperm. [[THAT’S VERY GOOD->good]] [[THAT’S VERY GOOD->good]] [[THAT’S VERY GOOD->good]]

I know!! Okay here’s another one. Live from the North Pole, Jeff Ross takes several bong hits and presents a hilarious celebration of Greenland’s leading phantom. Tune in this Saturday night at 10pm (9 central) for The Dosed Toast (and Boastful Roast) of the Foremost Ghost on the Northernmost Coast [[That one’s fine.->fine]]

JezI agree, to be honest. [[Personally I am very good at jokes and am always very funny.->funny]]

Jez MUST BE NICE. Okay, I’ll hang up my joke hat and leave it to the professionals. [[Mid-tier comedian Chris Gethard?->chris]]

JezBetter! <video width="420" height="300" src="/kp.mp4" controls type="video/mp4"></video> [[I loved that->love]] [[What a great use of money!->love]] [[I am dead!->love]]

JezHey, happy birthday friend. You’re the greatest and I love you. [[Stop->Stop]]

JezOnly when it stops being true. [[Ugh, this was all too much.->jeff]]

Jeff Goldblum Happy Ali day to us all! And to all, a good night.

Jeff Goldblum Ah, yes. Of course. ~hand gestures~ Elissa! We have an Elissa on the show with us next. [[Heyyyyyyooooooo->Elissa]]